Spoilersfollow for those of you who aren’t caught up fully on Twin Peaks: The Return.
Now thatDavid Lynch’Twin Peaks: The Returnhas completed its latest cycle of baffling mythology, dreamy/nightmarish imagery, and nonsensical narratives, fans everywhere get can down to the tough task of finding existential meaning in every frame. One of the best ways to do that is to fully inhabit new and returning characters alike; dress like them, talk like them, turn into smoke and fade away into nothing like them. With that noble pursuit in mind, I’ve put together some of the best possible Halloween costume ideas to help you get into the mind, body, and pitch-black spirit of some of Lynch’s most memorable characters.
Now you can go the easy route and pick a small-town cop costume off the rack of your local Halloween store or simply repurpose yourStranger ThingsChief Jim Hopper duds to do a passable impression of any of the members of the Twin Peaks Sheriff’s Department. You can also go the unconventional route and make your Halloween costume more of a performance piece than an instantly recognizable ensemble by dressing in normal clothes but starting random bar fights, crying while crawling on the floor amongst the legs of concert-goers, or getting lost in the woods for days at a time; I don’t recommend any of these, by the way.
Below, you’ll find a selection ofTwin PeaksHalloween costume suggestions that range from the modest to the macabre, from ultra low-budget ideas to those that require full-body, Cronenberg levels of genetic modification. Now I can’t offer tips and suggestions for how to turn yourself into a “Bob Bubble” or transport yourself across inter-dimensional time and space like some slice-your-face demon, but there are some surprisingly practical party-pleasing ideas to be found, as follows:
Freddie Sykes a.k.a. The Green Glove Guy
When I said “budget”, I meant it. You can’t get a much cheaper costume than a single, right-hand, green gardening glove. (Bonus points: You and a friend [or stranger] can both go as Freddie if you split the purchase of a pair of gloves, because what sane retailer would sell them individually?) Freddie, as played byJake Wardle, showed up briefly in Part 2 ofThe Return, but it was his green right hand that took center stage in parts 14, 15, and especially 17. The powerful, pile-driving punch of Freddie’s glove came in handy–no pun intended–on a number of occasions, whether it was settling bar fights, busting out of prison, or temporarily putting to rest the floating death-sphere occupied by Bob the Demon. I have no doubt that the powerful psychological effect of wearing a single green gardening glove will give you the same abilities, but with great power comes great responsibility, so wield it wisely.
Steven Burnett
Here’s another budget buy for yourTwin PeaksHalloween theme parties, though it’s probably going to take a little extra performance work on your part unless you possess the unique look ofCaleb Landry Jones. His creepy character, the drug-addled and unemployable Steven Burnett, somehow landed Becky (Amanda Seyfried) as his wife, but it was his bizarre turn as a user, abuser, and cheater that made him a favorite target for hatred from audience members.
Still, if you want to go this route, here are some suggestions: Put on your best suit, like the one you’d wear to a job interview, and then sleep in it for two nights straight without showering in between. Prepare the worst resume anyone has ever seen and be sure to look very disappointed and put out when people point out your idiocy and laziness. Then, sit in the woods against a tree and hug your knees, rocking back and forth while spouting nonsense. That should do the trick. And for a little extra costume flair, binge on juice boxes before heading out; it’ll give you that sugar rush and flushed appearance without the legal issues of illicit drugs. Let Buster Bluth be your guide.
Dale Cooper
Now we get to the classics. Agent Cooper should be an easy costume for most of you out there since all you need is the squarest possible black suit and tie with a white dress shirt. (Bonus points if your suit is tailored and double bonus points if you can match Cooper’s lapel pin.) The added benefit of going as Classic Cooper is that you can either pass as “vintage” by rocking the 90s version of the character or contemporary cool as the new-and-improved Cooper.
Being perfectly honest, this is a clean look but people might not know you’re Agent Cooper without flashing your badge. With that in mind, I suggest carrying around a damn fine cup of coffee; only bring a piece of cherry pie if you’ve got waitressing experience because things could get messy in a hurry. The good news is that guys and gals can both go as Agent Cooper because, hey, this is 2017 and it’s Halloween. To really seal the deal though, you’re going to need to find yourself a strong jaw, whoever you are. Perfect the art of the smiling-handsomely-while-giving-the-thumbs-up pose and you are home free.
Dougie Jones
This one … is not my favorite. It’s like the anti-Cooper. But there’s no denying that Dougie Jones–who took up a massive chunk ofThe Returnand kept us from getting more time with the real Cooper–was a pop culture phenomenon. While his friends, co-workers and loved ones probably should have gotten him to a competent doctor much earlier, Dougie Jones managed to savant his way out of one precarious situation after another. I guess that’s endearing?
Folks who want to rock thisTwin Peakscharacter this Halloween, see the above suggestions for Classic Cooper and then invert everything but the coffee. Instead of a tailored black suit, get yourself an oversized, lime-green sport coat and some khaki slacks. Can’t tie a tie with the precision demanded by the federal government’s standard operating procedure? No problem! Just pick a tie with a colorful pattern and wrap it around your head like a loon. The good news is that you may still rock the coffee mug if you’d like. The better news is that you can spend the entire night simply repeating the last few words you hear in conversation. If people start to look at you funny, simply repeat, “Call for help,” until someone listens.
Just, whatever you do,do notstick a fork in an electrical socket.
Evil Cooper a.k.a. Mr. C
Now here’s the exact opposite of both Classic Cooper and the special case known as Dougie Jones. Skip that clean-cut suit and ruler-straight haircut and, instead, rock a leather jacket that looks like it’s survived a coast-to-coast hair metal reunion tour and let your own luscious locks grown long and greasy.
If you want to go full Evil Cooper, youcouldthrow some deep black contacts into your eyes, but it’s much more convincing to just let Bob the Demon inhabit your body for the night. The upsides is that, not only do you barely have to do any work, but should something unfortunate happen to you, a bunch of soot-coated woodsmen may creep out of the shadows and restore you to health … or a close approximation to it, at least.
Dr. Lawrence Jacoby
If you want to get a little more obscure with yourTwin Peakscostumes, why don’t you try Dr. Lawrence Jacoby on for size? (The guy needs a little more exposure anyway considering that his entire Dr. Amp radio show has roughly 2 regular viewers/listeners in the Twin Peaks zip code.) You don’t have to be a competent psychiatrist to pull this one off either. All you really need is a pair of glasses with one red lens and one blue one, and you should be good to go.
If you really want to take your costume to the next level as internet sensation Dr. Amp, you’ll want to secure yourself a lightning bolt bowtie; see the above image for details. If that’s still not enough for you, get yourself a shovel, spraypaint it gold, and sell it for $30 this Halloween. Maybe then people will finally dig themselves out of the shit!
The Log Lady
First of all, R.I.P.Catherine E. Coulsonwho played Margaret Lanterman a.k.a. The Log Lady throughout Lynch’s twoTwin Peaksseries, standalone movie, and theTwin Peaks: The Missing Piecesassembly which incorporated deleted scenes fromTwin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me. Fans of the Log Lady were lucky enough to see her return in the latest series (Coulson passed away in 2015) and can now pay homage to her mysterious, prophetic nature by channeling your own Log Person for Halloween.
This one’s pretty straight-forward: Get a pair of large-frame glasses and a comfy sweater, grab a log that’s possessed with the soul of a number of spirits that allow you to communicate with the beyond, and occasionally make cryptic calls to the Bookhouse Boys to warn them of dangers yet to come, but don’t actually give them enough concrete information that lets them do anything about said danger. On second thought, you’re probably better off just hiding out at home with your log; it’s a dangerous world out there.
One of the most divisive characters fromTwin Peaks: The Returnis Diane, as played by the incomparableLaura Dern. Now, Diane existed way back in the original series but fans never saw her. Instead, we only learned bits about her thanks to Agent Cooper’s meticulous dictations of his findings in Twin Peaks. But now that Dern has embodied Diane (and her tulpa form), fans can totally rock the character as a costume this Halloween.
Diane is one of the more flamboyant characters inTwin Peaks, and that’s saying something. If you really wanted to put either your platinum blonde or shockingly red wig to work this Halloween season, Diane’s the one for you. You also have a lot of fashionable choices with Diane, be it a leopard-print coat, a variety of bangles, or even a multi-colored nail polish job. In fact, if your inner Halloween self can be described as an “interesting cross between a saint and a cabaret singer”, well honey I think you already know what yourTwin Peakscostume is going to be.
Wally Brando
After Dougie Jones, this little miscreant is my second least-favorite addition to theTwin Peaksmythology, but the cheese stands alone here. You people love you some Wally Brando as played byMichael Cera. Even though theMarlon Brando-inspired son of Andy and Lucy only popped up for a brief monologue, he’s now embedded in the fandom and the canon, so you might as well get your costume kicks in now before it’s no longer cool to be like Wally Brando.
If you’ve got a leather biker jacket, jeans, t-shirt, boots, and a Fiddler’s cap (and who doesn’t have one of these laying around), you’re all set to look like Wally. But it’ll take a solid Brando (either one) impression to really sell the character; be like Cera and mash up Brando’s voice fromTheGodfatherwith that of any of his other movies, really.
If your Wally Brando attempt doesn’t go over well, you can toughen it up a bit and go with a full-onMarlonBrando fromThe Wild One. This move will earn you significantly more cool points but your meta-comedy score will take a ding. It’s worth it.
Candie and the Casino Girls
While all of the costumes in this list are perfectly fine for any gender, if you want to go as one of the few female-focused characters inTwin Peaks: The Return, you can dress it up as Candie and her casino girls. While this trio looks like they’d be right at home in eitherWestworldorValley of the Dolls, they certainly bring an interesting aesthetic to the show and, by extension, this year’s Halloween party.
Going solo is easier here since it might be difficult to find three matching pink cocktail-hour/casino lounge dresses. However, this is also one of the few good options for group costumes this season; see also Sheriff’s Department, Woodsmen, and FBI agents for others. The best part of this costume is that you never really need to say a thing all night since it’s perfectly acceptable to simply stare off into space, absorbed in your own thoughts (or lack thereof), and avoid awkward conversations … I think I’ve found my costume.
