The coronavirus shutdown has sucked for an infinite number of reasons, but one of the biggest is that it has taken away the small pleasures of everyday life: going out to dinner with your friends, checking out the latest blockbuster and, of course, visiting Disneyland. Ostensibly the most visited regional theme park on the planet, Disneyland is as much a local hangout as it is a tourist destination and we are … we are missing it. Is it even summer if you can’t buy a Dole Whip and wait for theEnchanted Tiki Roomto start? (No.)
While they have been making small inroads in Florida, the California resort has been largely untouched. Hopefully by the end of May, we’ll able to stroll through the parks with a happy grin on our face and a churro in our hand, but until then, we are left daydreaming and counting down the seconds until we can return. It’s in that spirit that we run down the 15 Disneyland and Disney California Adventure attractions that we simply cannot wait to ride again – once it’s medically safe and socially responsible to.
As a disclaimer, we’ve purposefully chosen attractions that will more squarely fit within the new guidelines and requirements when the parks reopen. There are no attractions on the list that demand interactivity ortouching(Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters,Toy Story Midway Mania, andRoger Rabbit’s Car Toon Spinare out for this very reason), as are any theatrical exhibitions or live shows that have you sitting directly next to other guests for a prolonged period of time. These are hands-to-yourself experiences, through and through.
Indiana Jones Adventure
We may not be gettinga new Indiana Jones movieanytime soon, but that doesn’t really matter when you’re able to become a participant in a truly exceptional Indiana Jones adventure of your own. TheIndiana Jones Adventure(or, if you’re old school, Temple of the Forbidden Eye) attraction was one of the largest, most expensive additions to Disneyland in the boom period of the Eisner-led 90s, and it’s still a total marvel. We can’t wait to get jostled around again, while avoiding giant snakes, poison-tipped darts and columns of fire. This got a reputation for being one of the rougher Disney attractions ever (a number of highly publicized lawsuits came to light in the late 1990s), causing the company to smooth out some of the ride vehicle’s motions and reduce the number of bumps and tilts. If we had our way, we’d have the Imagineers re-program all of that stuff in for the post-quarantine opening. We can’t wait to get violently jostled again.
Pirates of the Caribbean
One of the last attractions thatWalt Disneyhimself personally supervised,Pirates of the Caribbeanis one of those classics that you simplyhave toride every time you go to the parks. It’s scale and level of detail is truly staggering, even to this day. And I imagine it’ll be an even more emotional experience this time around, as you’re swept up in the swashbuckling adventures of dueling pirates factions. Sadly, theJohnny Deppanimatronics from a 2006 refresh are still very much in place, but even his presence can’t take away from the fun. Plus, there’s a much cooler new pirate named Redd who the next film in the franchise is rumored to be centered around. So there’s that. But I imagine taking the slow boat ride through the highly detailed scenes, conceptualized by the man who gave birth to Disneyland, will be something of a moving experience for guests. Lord knows I’ll be holding back the tears.
Splash Mountain
If (and this is a bigif) Disneyland is somehow opened by the end of summer, things are going to beveryhot in Anaheim. You’ll need to cool down. And there isn’t a better place to do that than onSplash Mountain. The attraction, which opened in 1989 (based on the controversial live-action/animation hybridSong of the South), ends with your log ride vehicle going down an incredibly intense incline, where, true to its name, you will getsplashedwith water. The nervousness about how wet you’re going to get is half the fun. Also, how they handle the reopened Splash Mountain could tell us a lot about how the park will deal with health and safety concerns throughout the park. In Japan, there’s a pause between passengers offload and passengers entering the ride vehicles, with cast members furiously wiping down the ride vehicles, getting rid of excess water, and cleaning down the seats with disinfectant. If this is adapted for America, it could easily be implemented park wide. Lord knows we’re going to be sweating under our masks this summer, so the cool waves of Splash Mountain will be an even greater requirement.
Rise of the Resistance
Disneyland’s newest blockbuster barely got going before the pandemic shut it down.Rise of the Resistance, the touchstone attraction at the newStar Wars: Galaxy’s Edge expansion, is one of those classic Disney attractions that guests will be puzzling over and thrilled by for decades to come. It also had a shaky start earlier this year when it debuted in Anaheim (it opened late last year in Florida). The “boarding groups” required to ride the attraction were instantly full, leading many guests confused and annoyed. Maybe, with a decrease in attendance tied to the new measures, people that visit Disneyland will also get to ride its new marquee attraction. That’s the dream at least. A wholly immersive, multi-part experience that sees you joining the ranks of the Resistance in a go-for-broke escape mission, Rise of the Resistance was enjoyed by too few before the parks shut down. But it’s an absolute masterpiece, employing different disciplines, ride vehicles, and a number of visual tricks to really make you feel like you’re a part of theStar Warsuniverse. No YouTube ride-through video does it justice. Cannot wait.
Space Mountain
Having been trapped inside for so long, it’s hard not to dream about getting free – of your apartment, your state,your planet. SoSpace Mountain, the kinetic trip to the cosmos that opened in Disneyland in 1977 (the same summer asStar Wars) will act as wish fulfillment of the highest order. While you don’t really go that fast on Space Mountain, the darkness combined with special effects and well-placed fans, certainly makes you feel like you are careening out of control (Michael Giacchino’s flawless on-board audio helps too). And it’s that loss of control, that sensation of zooming through outer space without a care in the world, that will really speak to guests when the parks are back and open. As with all of these attractions, it will be fascinating to see how social distancing measures will be implemented on smaller ride vehicles like Space Mountain’s. But however they do it, it will undoubtedly be executed flawlessly by the Disney cast members. It’s hard not to eagerly await that iconic blast-off.
it’s a small world
Another Walt Disney-supervised classic,it’s a small worldhas been around since the 1964-64 World’s Fair in Queens, as one of four attractions Disney and his Imagineers designed for various pavilions. (If you look on the opposite side of the attraction’s façade while passing by on the Disneyland Railroad you may spot, in pencil, the instructions for how to assemble it in Queens.) And over the years it has become something of a punching bag – for its integration of Disney characters in a 2008 refurbishment, for its ear-wormy theme song by master Disney musiciansRobertandRichard Shermanand for its general, unrelenting good cheer. (Richard Sherman has said the theme song is a “prayer for peace.”) But after so much darkness and despair, it’s a small world is the tonic that we all need – a bright, hopeful vision of global unity and effortless communication. And the glacial, warm pace of the attraction will be very much appreciated too. Some flower power is much needed, thank you.
Big Thunder Mountain Railroad
If you have been muttering to your significant other (or quarantined roomie): “It’s the wildest ride in the wilderness,” while affecting the accent of an old timey prospector, then chances are you (like us) are dying to go back onBig Thunder Mountain Railroad. Opened in 1979, Big Thunder Mountain Railroad was an attempt to add some much-needed thrills into Disneyland (it took up a piece of property once dominated by the Mine Trail Through Nature’s Wonderland, sharing a thematic connection to the new ride). There’s something about riding Big Thunder Mountain, with its twists and turns and dynamite-chomping goat, that is unparalleled, particularly when you ride the attraction at night, when you climb the lift hill and can get a glimpse of the nighttime fireworks (undoubtedly a causality of the virus once the parks reopen) and the glittery sprawl of Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge.
Star Tours
Yes,Millennium Falcon: Smuggler’s Runis the sexy new Star Wars-themed flight simulator attraction. ButStar Toursis still more fun. It’s also a better attraction with far more character. And the recent addition of the mix-and-match destinations (part of the major 2011 overhaul to Star Tours – The Adventures Continue) is a total blast. When the parks shut down, they were showing two exceptional new sequences tied toStar Wars: The Rise of Skywalkerthat were arguably better and more entertaining than the actual movie. On the first, you go to the water moon of Endor (where the Death Star fromReturn of the Jedicrashed), on the second you visit Exegol, home to the Final Order Star Destroyer fleet. (That final battle sequence supposedly has a Starspeeder 1000, the Star Tours ride vehicle, tucked into the background.) Both of these new sequences are rollicking good fun, with cameos from some of your favorite characters, but no what planets or destinations you get, you’ll have a blast. Star Tours is a timeless classic. Although it would be wise to anticipate one major change: the removal of the 3D effect, so that people don’t have to touch the 3D glasses. Wouldn’t it be cool if one of the simulators was outfitted with the original ride film and R3X animatronic? Quarantine dreams.
The Haunted Mansion
Sure, death might not be something at the top of your list to be reminded of while visiting Disneyland for the first time since 100,000 Americans lost their lives. ButThe Haunted Mansion’s playful mixture of horror and humor is oddly comforting and celebratory – which undoubtedly explains why so many weirdos attempt to have their ashes dumped out in the attraction. The Haunted Mansion, which opened at Disneyland in 1969 after being teased in the parksince 1961(!), is an undeniable classic – the song, the various ghosts (including the Hatbox Ghost, which was re-installed with new technology for the park’s 60th anniversary in 2015) and the combination of scares and laughter, have made it a favorite of guests since it opened more than 50 years ago. And when we finally are able to hop aboard a Doom Buggy and take a ride through the Mansion, it will probably relief to see how spirited the afterlife can be.
Peter Pan’s Flight
One potential upside to the reduced park capacity will be that rides that shouldn’t have astronomical wait times might have less astronomical wait times. One of those attractions (please dear lord) should be Peter Pan’s Flight. A simple dark ride from the park’s opening (that got an array of incredible upgrades for the 60thanniversary), Peter Pan’s Flight is one of the more magical attractions in the entire park. There’s just something about it. Maybe it’s the suspended ride system, the incredible model work, or that the original movie remains just fuzzy enough that you can forget all of the racist stuff and enjoy the attraction for a couple of minutes. It’s an attraction you always want to go on, but one that regularly has a wait time of 90 minutes or more, which just doesn’t stand if you’re only there for the afternoon or if you’re visiting with somebody who hasn’t ever been to Disneyland and is trying to cram everything in. So we look forward to a more measured wait time for Peter Pan’s Flight, one of the very first (and very best) Disneyland rides.
